1 00:00:02,171 --> 00:00:04,671 _ 2 00:00:05,219 --> 00:00:08,089 ? 3 00:00:10,504 --> 00:00:12,168 _ 4 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,500 So, how was your date last night? 5 00:00:13,534 --> 00:00:15,670 Ugh. Another guy turned out to be gay. 6 00:00:15,702 --> 00:00:17,371 Are you still using my Tinder account? 7 00:00:17,405 --> 00:00:20,198 I told you it's not like Hulu. We can't share a subscription. 8 00:00:20,769 --> 00:00:23,043 Looks like Captain Dave is late again. 9 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:26,218 - Always does this. - Then he waltzes in and says, 10 00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:28,146 "Sorry, I'm on Captain Dave time." 11 00:00:28,179 --> 00:00:30,191 That's not a time zone; it's a tragedy. 12 00:00:31,029 --> 00:00:33,046 - [DAVE SIGHS] - Oh, finally. 13 00:00:33,046 --> 00:00:35,201 Sorry, I'm on Captain Dave time. 14 00:00:36,290 --> 00:00:38,183 - Well, see you later. - H-Hold on. 15 00:00:38,217 --> 00:00:39,351 Why are you holding a bag 16 00:00:39,384 --> 00:00:40,787 like someone who's never held a bag before? 17 00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:42,122 DAVE: [SIGHS] All right. 18 00:00:42,155 --> 00:00:44,872 Truth is I've finally found my Achilles' heel. 19 00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:48,214 It's my Achilles' wrist. 20 00:00:48,252 --> 00:00:50,072 - Ouch. - Wait, it gets worse. 21 00:00:50,112 --> 00:00:52,581 - That's my high-fiving hand. - What happened? 22 00:00:52,615 --> 00:00:55,136 I was walking down the street and I saw some poor schlub 23 00:00:55,161 --> 00:00:57,030 trapped under a giant armoire. 24 00:00:57,105 --> 00:00:58,505 I knew my only two choices were 25 00:00:58,538 --> 00:01:00,007 to heroically lift the thing off him 26 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,109 or to cut his arm off with my pocketknife. 27 00:01:02,142 --> 00:01:04,477 So I summoned up all of my strength, 28 00:01:04,711 --> 00:01:07,415 but alas, my will was stronger than my wrist. 29 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,992 Anyway, the important thing is I'm all patched up now 30 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:11,727 - and ready to go. - You can't fly. 31 00:01:11,804 --> 00:01:13,239 No, but until I can, I'll have to settle for 32 00:01:13,272 --> 00:01:14,596 piloting a plane. Let's do it. 33 00:01:14,621 --> 00:01:16,757 - Dave. - Oh, this is exactly why I was hiding it. 34 00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:18,759 I knew you two were gonna be dicks about this. 35 00:01:18,793 --> 00:01:19,928 Sorry, got to call it in. 36 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,763 Come on, Bernie, you can't ground this eagle. 37 00:01:21,796 --> 00:01:24,419 It needs to soar. You know I can do this. 38 00:01:26,069 --> 00:01:27,871 All right. Let's give it a try. 39 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,313 You know he's just calling in a replacement, right? 40 00:01:32,314 --> 00:01:34,349 Yeah, I know. Can you at least sign my cast? 41 00:01:34,382 --> 00:01:36,420 I have a date tonight and want her to know I have friends. 42 00:01:37,484 --> 00:01:38,719 PILOT [OVER P.A.]: Jackpot Airlines. 43 00:01:38,752 --> 00:01:40,689 Northeast-bound to Las Vegas. 44 00:01:40,722 --> 00:01:42,558 ? 45 00:01:42,591 --> 00:01:44,893 [SLOT MACHINE CHIMING] 46 00:01:44,926 --> 00:01:47,395 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 47 00:01:47,429 --> 00:01:48,864 WOMAN [OVER P.A.]: Attention all passengers, 48 00:01:48,897 --> 00:01:50,112 we are now boarding... 49 00:01:50,137 --> 00:01:51,867 Whoa, a bag! 50 00:01:51,899 --> 00:01:53,660 What's in them? 51 00:01:53,934 --> 00:01:55,544 Uh, just some toys. 52 00:01:55,544 --> 00:01:58,080 Toys. That's fun. Can I look? 53 00:01:58,128 --> 00:02:00,182 Um, I just... oh. 54 00:02:00,214 --> 00:02:03,218 There is many games. You know what game I like? 55 00:02:03,252 --> 00:02:05,955 The one about the hippos that are so very hungry. 56 00:02:05,987 --> 00:02:09,157 - You know this game? - Perhaps, not touch these. 57 00:02:09,299 --> 00:02:11,042 They're presents for my son's birthday. 58 00:02:11,042 --> 00:02:12,572 Birthday? Fun. 59 00:02:12,839 --> 00:02:14,241 You know, at my club Grapefruits, 60 00:02:14,275 --> 00:02:16,143 birthday boys get half off lap dances. 61 00:02:16,176 --> 00:02:17,912 Dads pay full price to watch, though. 62 00:02:17,944 --> 00:02:19,122 He's three. 63 00:02:19,512 --> 00:02:21,381 He is three or he's turning three? 64 00:02:22,415 --> 00:02:24,352 I think I'm gonna go through security again. 65 00:02:24,385 --> 00:02:26,927 Just... for fun. 66 00:02:27,534 --> 00:02:31,404 On my third birthday, I dig hole for swimming pool. 67 00:02:31,437 --> 00:02:35,385 On my fourth birthday, I find out it's mass grave. 68 00:02:40,874 --> 00:02:42,340 You know what? You should tell him. 69 00:02:42,340 --> 00:02:44,152 - Bad news sounds better coming from you. - Okay. 70 00:02:44,152 --> 00:02:47,756 So, Judases, did you find my replacement? 71 00:02:47,789 --> 00:02:48,795 Ronnie? 72 00:02:50,243 --> 00:02:54,029 Yes, we did, but you are not going to like it. 73 00:02:54,061 --> 00:02:55,529 What? Who is it? 74 00:02:55,563 --> 00:02:58,533 ["ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE" BY SCORPIONS PLAYING] 75 00:02:59,214 --> 00:03:02,127 ? Here I am ? 76 00:03:02,127 --> 00:03:04,796 ? Rock you like a hurricane ? 77 00:03:06,498 --> 00:03:08,834 ? Here I am. ? 78 00:03:08,947 --> 00:03:10,581 Captain Steve. 79 00:03:10,798 --> 00:03:12,134 Captain Dave. 80 00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,088 Looks like I'll be taking over the reins this weekend. 81 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,896 Tough break on that wrist. 82 00:03:18,921 --> 00:03:20,222 I'd say, "No pun intended," 83 00:03:20,255 --> 00:03:21,794 but I knew what I was doing. 84 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,661 And this must be my new flight crew. 85 00:03:24,693 --> 00:03:26,458 Good-looking pair. You got names? 86 00:03:26,459 --> 00:03:28,428 - I'm Bernard. - I'm Ronnie. Hi. 87 00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:30,329 Is it suddenly very hot in here? 88 00:03:30,363 --> 00:03:31,364 [WHISPERS]: It is. 89 00:03:31,396 --> 00:03:32,698 Oh, hey, Dave, didn't see you there. 90 00:03:32,732 --> 00:03:33,865 You just said hello to me. 91 00:03:33,899 --> 00:03:34,866 Heard about the divorce. 92 00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:36,436 How many is that for you? Four? 93 00:03:36,469 --> 00:03:38,304 Excuse me, try three. 94 00:03:38,336 --> 00:03:40,173 It seems no woman could ever understand 95 00:03:40,205 --> 00:03:41,673 I'm married to the sky. 96 00:03:41,707 --> 00:03:43,976 - I'm married to a model. - A catalog model. 97 00:03:44,008 --> 00:03:45,310 Internet catalog model. 98 00:03:45,344 --> 00:03:46,846 The whole future, it's all online. 99 00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,180 - So true. - Blogs. 100 00:03:48,214 --> 00:03:50,049 What are you even doing here? You don't fly domestic. 101 00:03:50,082 --> 00:03:51,283 [LAUGHS]: No. 102 00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:53,286 The international skies are my playground. 103 00:03:53,605 --> 00:03:55,887 Then I got this call, and I figured it'd be a great way 104 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,183 to get back to my roots, my American roots. 105 00:03:58,208 --> 00:03:59,472 God, I love this country. 106 00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:00,745 Well, I'll be back in action any day, 107 00:04:00,776 --> 00:04:01,943 so don't get too comfortable. 108 00:04:01,971 --> 00:04:03,105 I'll try, but you know me, 109 00:04:03,139 --> 00:04:04,240 I'm comfortable anywhere. 110 00:04:04,273 --> 00:04:06,295 I exclusively use public restrooms. 111 00:04:11,158 --> 00:04:14,016 Yeah. I'm always looking for the next big thing. 112 00:04:14,050 --> 00:04:16,353 I mean, landing on water, it's been done. 113 00:04:16,416 --> 00:04:17,794 Sully did it. 114 00:04:17,819 --> 00:04:20,942 So I was thinking, what's the next thing we should land on? 115 00:04:21,702 --> 00:04:24,407 I say... the sky. 116 00:04:25,127 --> 00:04:26,795 I have no idea what that means, 117 00:04:26,829 --> 00:04:28,878 - but I like how close I feel to you. - [DOOR OPENS] 118 00:04:29,999 --> 00:04:31,996 - Hey, fellas. - Captain Dave. 119 00:04:31,996 --> 00:04:33,698 How are things going in my cockpit? 120 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,867 Great. Captain Steve let me wear his jacket. 121 00:04:35,892 --> 00:04:38,001 Look how floppy my arms are. 122 00:04:38,205 --> 00:04:40,227 Shouldn't you be at home resting up that wrist? 123 00:04:40,256 --> 00:04:42,577 Not that I'd know... I've never broken anything. 124 00:04:43,111 --> 00:04:45,772 - Except a few hearts. - [LAUGHS] I can believe it. 125 00:04:45,772 --> 00:04:47,695 I thought I should fly with you this weekend, you know, 126 00:04:47,695 --> 00:04:49,452 in case you had any questions or you died. 127 00:04:50,438 --> 00:04:52,514 I'll just third-wheel it in the jump seat. 128 00:04:52,514 --> 00:04:56,218 Oh. Yeah. Sorry, the jump seat's occupied by my copilot. 129 00:04:57,789 --> 00:04:59,867 A 200-pound kettlebell? 130 00:04:59,929 --> 00:05:01,564 Great. That's embarrassing. 131 00:05:01,596 --> 00:05:03,497 Now everybody knows how much I lift! 132 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,939 [EXHALES] Anyway, you can fly with us, 133 00:05:05,964 --> 00:05:07,886 but you're gonna have to ride in the cabin. 134 00:05:07,917 --> 00:05:09,001 The cabin? 135 00:05:09,002 --> 00:05:11,956 You want me to sit in that flying refugee camp? 136 00:05:15,245 --> 00:05:17,415 They made these tickets way too cheap. 137 00:05:21,752 --> 00:05:23,287 - Right there. - COLIN: I'm so sorry, 138 00:05:23,319 --> 00:05:24,434 those seats are taken. 139 00:05:24,441 --> 00:05:26,777 Maybe just find two other seats? 140 00:05:26,802 --> 00:05:29,133 Yeah, okay. Ah, sorry. 141 00:05:32,008 --> 00:05:35,178 - Your pants are on fire. - Sorry? 142 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,845 Oh, my God, you just lied to them. 143 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,914 Well, yeah, clearly. They're both very shady. 144 00:05:39,481 --> 00:05:41,050 And also, I'm kind of preoccupied 145 00:05:41,082 --> 00:05:43,046 with finalizing my son's birthday party. 146 00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:44,295 He's turning three. 147 00:05:44,295 --> 00:05:46,264 Oh. That's a cute age... 148 00:05:46,298 --> 00:05:48,350 is something people say, right? 149 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,706 I don't know anything about kids. 150 00:05:49,706 --> 00:05:52,042 It's his first birthday since his mother and I separated, 151 00:05:52,075 --> 00:05:54,215 and I think I've rather outdone myself. 152 00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,547 Check out the play gym I've booked. 153 00:05:56,580 --> 00:05:58,712 Now, there's a puppy playpen, 154 00:05:58,738 --> 00:06:01,052 a cake pit, and all the princesses 155 00:06:01,083 --> 00:06:03,786 are actual descendants of exiled royalty. 156 00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:06,390 Wow, that sounds a lot better than my third birthday party. 157 00:06:06,423 --> 00:06:07,725 God, what a disaster. 158 00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:09,058 You remember your third birthday? 159 00:06:09,092 --> 00:06:10,527 Only 'cause my mom taped it. 160 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,363 Then the tape was later used in the trial. 161 00:06:12,395 --> 00:06:14,518 It was also the first time I smoked Marlboro Red. 162 00:06:16,457 --> 00:06:17,820 My family was a little trashy. 163 00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:19,168 I grew up near Bakersfield. 164 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,038 Our town mayor was a Harley-Davidson. 165 00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,112 Sleep when you're on the ground. 166 00:06:31,113 --> 00:06:32,856 You're in the air, for God's sake. 167 00:06:33,182 --> 00:06:34,609 Show some respect. 168 00:06:35,017 --> 00:06:37,286 Are you seriously gonna fly back and forth all weekend 169 00:06:37,319 --> 00:06:38,630 just to keep an eye on him? 170 00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:41,114 - You have a better idea? - Yes. Don't. 171 00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:43,045 - You don't know. - [SIGHS] 172 00:06:46,471 --> 00:06:48,149 - [AIR HISSING] - What's with this thing? 173 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,785 If it's off, it's too hot. If it's on, it dries my eyes. 174 00:06:53,812 --> 00:06:56,122 You people live like animals! 175 00:06:57,552 --> 00:06:59,483 DAVE: Thanks for all your help with Captain Steve. 176 00:06:59,508 --> 00:07:01,544 - What the hell happened to you? - I couldn't help it. 177 00:07:01,578 --> 00:07:04,715 I'm very single, and that silver fox has a strong back 178 00:07:04,747 --> 00:07:06,683 and could probably carry me across a river. 179 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,820 Be a modern woman and carry yourself across a river, Ronnie. 180 00:07:09,852 --> 00:07:11,855 I don't understand. What is your problem with him? 181 00:07:11,888 --> 00:07:13,857 He thinks he's so much better than me 182 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,059 just because he finished first in our flight class, 183 00:07:16,093 --> 00:07:18,518 and beat me out for the international route, 184 00:07:18,543 --> 00:07:22,048 and won Jackpot's Sexiest Pilot award six years in a row, 185 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,350 despite me killing it in the talent category. 186 00:07:25,384 --> 00:07:26,686 [IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING] 187 00:07:26,694 --> 00:07:27,939 [IMITATES TRAIN WHISTLE] 188 00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:30,500 Oh, Dave. Nobody wanted to see your Magic Mike routine. 189 00:07:30,897 --> 00:07:32,922 Yeah, that was all Mike and no magic. 190 00:07:33,168 --> 00:07:34,870 This was the one place where I didn't feel 191 00:07:34,904 --> 00:07:36,339 like I was in Captain Steve's shadow. 192 00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:38,186 Well, I'm not letting him take that from me, too. 193 00:07:38,474 --> 00:07:41,143 I can fly this plane, and I'll prove it. 194 00:07:41,177 --> 00:07:42,813 How many push-ups you want to see me do? 195 00:07:42,846 --> 00:07:44,281 - 600. - None. 196 00:07:44,314 --> 00:07:45,543 [DAVE SHOUTS] 197 00:07:45,752 --> 00:07:46,886 One! 198 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,065 [PANTING]: Okay. 199 00:07:48,588 --> 00:07:50,658 I can't do a push-up, but my wrist is fine. 200 00:07:50,966 --> 00:07:52,501 It can do everything it used to do. 201 00:07:52,725 --> 00:07:54,997 I can do the Dirty Dancing lift. 202 00:07:55,135 --> 00:07:57,653 Bernard, run to me! 203 00:07:59,373 --> 00:08:00,508 No. 204 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,810 Dave, go home. Get some rest. 205 00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:07,924 Nobody puts Bernard in a corner. 206 00:08:10,229 --> 00:08:12,255 STEVE: Welcome to Las Vegas. 207 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,150 [PASSENGERS CHEERING] 208 00:08:14,635 --> 00:08:16,193 - Hi. Thank you. - Hi. 209 00:08:16,193 --> 00:08:17,908 Oh, that landing touched me. 210 00:08:19,029 --> 00:08:21,687 Did we land? I didn't feel the wheels touch the ground. 211 00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:24,456 I know. Usually, I have to take pills to feel this way. 212 00:08:24,456 --> 00:08:26,271 And don't forget who gave you those pills. 213 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:32,904 So, what'd you think of the L.A. to Vegas flight? 214 00:08:33,078 --> 00:08:34,387 Pretty boring, right? 215 00:08:34,387 --> 00:08:36,324 You should probably get back to your old route now. 216 00:08:36,356 --> 00:08:38,024 Actually, it was kind of a nice break 217 00:08:38,057 --> 00:08:40,060 from the spotlight of the international route. 218 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,562 I've already conquered that. 219 00:08:42,595 --> 00:08:44,238 It's probably time to conquer something new. 220 00:08:44,463 --> 00:08:46,515 Like when Nicole Kidman does TV. 221 00:08:47,975 --> 00:08:48,968 Yeah. 222 00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:52,902 I could see myself doing this full-time. 223 00:08:56,095 --> 00:08:57,822 Captain Steve is moving into my route. 224 00:08:58,263 --> 00:08:59,694 We got to do something to stop him. 225 00:08:59,694 --> 00:09:02,264 - What do you expect us to do? - I don't know. Something! 226 00:09:02,582 --> 00:09:04,217 The alternative is he replaces me. 227 00:09:04,247 --> 00:09:06,145 We can't let that happen. We're a team. 228 00:09:06,409 --> 00:09:07,781 Think about all our history. 229 00:09:07,944 --> 00:09:09,212 Your first week on the job, 230 00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:10,727 when you forgot to lock the exit door, 231 00:09:10,752 --> 00:09:12,848 who blamed the ground crew and got that guy fired? 232 00:09:12,895 --> 00:09:14,264 Yeah, but I felt so guilty afterwards, 233 00:09:14,297 --> 00:09:15,799 I had to date him for six months. 234 00:09:15,832 --> 00:09:17,770 So I got you laid, too. And, Bernie, 235 00:09:17,770 --> 00:09:19,338 we've been together for years. We're like brothers. 236 00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:20,606 You came out to me. 237 00:09:20,639 --> 00:09:22,441 Uh, no. You just flat-out asked. 238 00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:24,577 Your exact words were, "Gay, right?" 239 00:09:24,610 --> 00:09:27,145 The point is that we look out for each other. 240 00:09:27,178 --> 00:09:29,558 That's why you got to help me. You got to help me. 241 00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:31,566 What do you think? 242 00:09:32,233 --> 00:09:34,384 Well, right now, all I can think about 243 00:09:34,409 --> 00:09:36,355 is how good Captain Steve smells. 244 00:09:36,355 --> 00:09:38,223 Does anyone know what that is? 245 00:09:38,991 --> 00:09:40,961 It's a pamplemousse facial scrub. 246 00:09:41,826 --> 00:09:43,710 Not available in the States. 247 00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:49,336 Don't get me wrong, I want to help Dave, I do. 248 00:09:49,369 --> 00:09:51,538 But would it really be the worst thing in the world 249 00:09:51,572 --> 00:09:53,173 if Steve was our new boss? 250 00:09:53,207 --> 00:09:55,509 It's probably less work for us. We wouldn't have to babysit. 251 00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:57,420 I mean, he's actually got a life off the plane. 252 00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:59,255 Yeah, he doesn't want to waste time with us. 253 00:09:59,287 --> 00:10:01,323 He's got a catalog model to go home to. 254 00:10:01,357 --> 00:10:02,791 He just clocks in, clocks out. 255 00:10:02,824 --> 00:10:04,960 Imagine working for a pilot who says "thank you" 256 00:10:04,993 --> 00:10:07,129 every once in a while, and doesn't make us check 257 00:10:07,162 --> 00:10:08,897 his hair for grays before each flight. 258 00:10:08,930 --> 00:10:11,408 What are you complaining about? You only have to check his head. 259 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,047 [PHONE RINGING] 260 00:10:16,544 --> 00:10:17,568 Colin? 261 00:10:17,624 --> 00:10:19,559 COLIN: Oh, thank God you answered. Ronnie, 262 00:10:19,598 --> 00:10:20,973 it's all coming apart. The universe 263 00:10:21,007 --> 00:10:22,643 is getting back at me for my hubris. 264 00:10:22,676 --> 00:10:25,211 I had a petard, and I've been hoisted by it. 265 00:10:25,244 --> 00:10:26,413 Colin, you're using high-scoring Scrabble words. 266 00:10:26,446 --> 00:10:27,980 I don't know what you're saying. 267 00:10:28,014 --> 00:10:30,484 I'm talking about the play gym I booked for my son's party. 268 00:10:30,517 --> 00:10:32,219 It's been shut down. 269 00:10:32,405 --> 00:10:34,808 An anti-vaxxer held a party, I don't know, 270 00:10:34,841 --> 00:10:36,811 something about a long-dormant supervirus. 271 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,579 It's a disaster. 272 00:10:38,611 --> 00:10:41,581 - Okay, just calm down. - I can't calm down. 273 00:10:41,615 --> 00:10:43,918 I'm holding a party tomorrow for 24 children. 274 00:10:43,951 --> 00:10:46,220 I've got nowhere to throw it. I need help. 275 00:10:46,253 --> 00:10:47,549 I know it's weird I'm calling you. 276 00:10:47,597 --> 00:10:49,566 You're the only person I know in Las Vegas. 277 00:10:49,598 --> 00:10:52,334 Well, not the only person. 278 00:10:52,367 --> 00:10:54,570 [TIRES SCREECH] 279 00:10:54,832 --> 00:10:55,905 Hey! 280 00:10:55,938 --> 00:10:58,241 Ronnie says you need help throwing party 281 00:10:58,274 --> 00:10:59,876 to buy your son's love. 282 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,644 - Ronnie called you? - Yeah. 283 00:11:01,676 --> 00:11:05,047 And Artem is big helper. Hop in. I have candy. 284 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:08,508 Oh, no. You want me to get in this? With you? 285 00:11:08,599 --> 00:11:10,962 Yeah, don't worry, it's not even my van. 286 00:11:13,146 --> 00:11:16,250 Let's just say, for a minute, we actually considered 287 00:11:16,297 --> 00:11:18,767 lodging a fake complaint against Captain Steve. 288 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,118 What could we possibly say that would make a difference? 289 00:11:21,119 --> 00:11:22,488 We'll just say he grabbed my ass. 290 00:11:22,521 --> 00:11:25,099 Um, if he's grabbing anybody's ass, it's mine. 291 00:11:25,331 --> 00:11:27,101 Please. Have you seen your ass? 292 00:11:27,101 --> 00:11:28,402 Because I haven't. 293 00:11:28,434 --> 00:11:30,971 - He's not even gay. - I transcend sexuality. 294 00:11:31,005 --> 00:11:32,644 Do you know how many pilots I've turned? 295 00:11:32,644 --> 00:11:34,780 - Shut up. Like who? - You'd be surprised. 296 00:11:34,822 --> 00:11:36,991 The drink carts aren't the only things that go both ways. 297 00:11:38,650 --> 00:11:40,284 Um, sorry to interrupt, 298 00:11:40,318 --> 00:11:42,418 but don't you think you guys should be working? 299 00:11:44,677 --> 00:11:47,212 It's the Saturday afternoon flight from Vegas to L.A. 300 00:11:47,245 --> 00:11:49,615 - There's nothing to do. - Yeah. 301 00:11:49,648 --> 00:11:52,231 See, it's that attitude that makes you both 302 00:11:52,666 --> 00:11:54,786 such remarkable failures. 303 00:11:55,731 --> 00:11:58,033 I demand excellence every moment you're on this plane. 304 00:11:58,065 --> 00:12:00,201 Right, but, Steve, there's literally... 305 00:12:00,235 --> 00:12:03,506 Uh, sorry. "Steve"? Try "Captain," or "sir." 306 00:12:04,369 --> 00:12:07,332 I don't know how you got away with this garbage before, but... 307 00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:09,586 it ends now. 308 00:12:11,353 --> 00:12:12,803 Can you believe that? 309 00:12:12,842 --> 00:12:14,242 Who the hell does he think he is? 310 00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:15,845 I'm gonna march right into that cockpit 311 00:12:15,878 --> 00:12:17,380 and make him grab my ass. 312 00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:20,483 [LIVELY DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 313 00:12:21,748 --> 00:12:22,933 COLIN: Wow. 314 00:12:22,933 --> 00:12:24,336 This place is really impressive. 315 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:26,263 Yeah, business is good, eh, Farley? 316 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:29,215 Yeah, man, things have blown up for us, ever since 317 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:32,508 that Stranger Things kid nailed a paparazzo with his scooter. 318 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,433 Follow me. 319 00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:39,325 So you need something for tomorrow morning, 20 heads. 320 00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:40,894 What's the chick-to-stick raish? 321 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,196 - I'm so sorry, the...? - Girl to guy. Girl to guy ratio. 322 00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:44,498 We like to keep it three to one. 323 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:46,032 Oh, I-I think it's about even. 324 00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:47,535 Oof, you're lucky Artem's a friend. 325 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,804 So, tomorrow is going to be lit! 326 00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:53,056 Egypt Keys-Beatz is hosting. 327 00:12:53,087 --> 00:12:56,989 Bottle service only. Let's say, uh, ten of the magnums? 328 00:12:57,484 --> 00:13:00,029 Also, you're gonna want the table out by the ball pit. 329 00:13:00,054 --> 00:13:01,792 - That's where it all goes down. - Okay. 330 00:13:02,357 --> 00:13:04,873 Uh, what is that? VIP? 331 00:13:04,873 --> 00:13:07,844 Peanut allergy. So, with the bottles, the table, 332 00:13:07,878 --> 00:13:10,248 and of course the party favors... [CLICKS TONGUE] 333 00:13:10,281 --> 00:13:13,467 Why is he winking? We really do need party favors. 334 00:13:13,528 --> 00:13:16,156 Your total comes out to $8,000. 335 00:13:16,444 --> 00:13:17,980 - What? - That is good price. 336 00:13:18,013 --> 00:13:20,219 No, no, no, no. There's no way I can afford that. 337 00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:23,123 Look, I want this to be special for my son, but I'm on a budget. 338 00:13:23,243 --> 00:13:26,613 What can I get for $400? 339 00:13:26,981 --> 00:13:30,546 I paid $400 to get back to exactly where I started. 340 00:13:30,885 --> 00:13:32,860 Welcome to Las Vegas! 341 00:13:40,518 --> 00:13:42,477 Oh, we have to do something about Captain Steve. 342 00:13:42,477 --> 00:13:44,578 But first, which one of us is more sexually harass-able? 343 00:13:44,612 --> 00:13:46,492 Before you answer, consider my bedroom eyes. 344 00:13:47,314 --> 00:13:49,083 Relax. Don't pop a contact. 345 00:13:49,555 --> 00:13:51,391 Steve is going to make our lives hell 346 00:13:51,424 --> 00:13:53,438 if he takes over this route. We have to stop him. 347 00:13:53,438 --> 00:13:54,740 We're thinking smear campaign. 348 00:13:54,997 --> 00:13:56,464 Same thing we did with Klepto-Kathy, 349 00:13:56,497 --> 00:13:58,132 although we may have jumped the gun on that one. 350 00:13:58,132 --> 00:13:59,500 Well, just because we found my bracelet 351 00:13:59,532 --> 00:14:01,201 doesn't mean she didn't want to steal it. 352 00:14:01,234 --> 00:14:03,023 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's slow down here. 353 00:14:03,261 --> 00:14:06,265 We can't just go around besmirching Steve's reputation. 354 00:14:06,297 --> 00:14:08,666 What? This was your idea. Where is this coming from? 355 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,095 And when did you learn "besmirch"? 356 00:14:10,118 --> 00:14:11,920 All I'm saying, we should consider our options 357 00:14:11,953 --> 00:14:13,522 before crucifying him. 358 00:14:13,555 --> 00:14:15,123 Corporate said Dave could have Steve's route 359 00:14:15,156 --> 00:14:17,025 - if Steve took Dave's route. - Damn it, Alan. 360 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,526 - What? - All right. 361 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:19,895 I called corporate to ask, hypothetically, 362 00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,763 if Captain Steve took L.A. to Vegas, 363 00:14:21,796 --> 00:14:24,065 could I take international, and they were on board. 364 00:14:24,099 --> 00:14:27,384 So when it was your job on the line, you needed our help, 365 00:14:27,439 --> 00:14:28,940 but now that it's ours, 366 00:14:28,973 --> 00:14:30,475 - you don't care. - Don't you understand? 367 00:14:30,509 --> 00:14:32,832 This international route would be huge for me. 368 00:14:32,832 --> 00:14:34,663 I need this. Just look at me. 369 00:14:34,911 --> 00:14:36,091 Look at my wrist. 370 00:14:36,091 --> 00:14:38,227 We're supposed to be cool with you screwing us, 371 00:14:38,261 --> 00:14:40,788 just because you couldn't help some guy under an armoire? 372 00:14:40,788 --> 00:14:42,757 No. You should be cool with it because I was the guy 373 00:14:42,791 --> 00:14:44,026 under the armoire. 374 00:14:44,681 --> 00:14:46,028 I was the one I couldn't help. 375 00:14:46,254 --> 00:14:47,657 - What? - You own an armoire? 376 00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:49,659 I bought it. And I was moving it back 377 00:14:49,692 --> 00:14:51,860 to my place when it tipped over on me. 378 00:14:52,107 --> 00:14:54,589 I was trapped underneath of it for hours. 379 00:14:55,637 --> 00:14:58,172 Hours. When I picked it up from that Craigslist perv, 380 00:14:58,206 --> 00:15:00,274 he even said to me, "Don't you have someone 381 00:15:00,307 --> 00:15:01,727 to help you move this?" But I didn't. 382 00:15:02,243 --> 00:15:04,679 Because the truth is I have no one in my life 383 00:15:04,711 --> 00:15:07,485 to help me move a gorgeous piece of antique furniture. 384 00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:10,165 So am I being a little selfish? 385 00:15:10,625 --> 00:15:11,572 Yes. 386 00:15:12,547 --> 00:15:16,245 But when you're a guy stuck moving armoires alone... 387 00:15:17,441 --> 00:15:19,388 you get to be selfish. 388 00:15:19,421 --> 00:15:20,799 [SIGHS] 389 00:15:21,594 --> 00:15:23,155 What's a armoire? 390 00:15:24,031 --> 00:15:25,505 What are we doing here? 391 00:15:25,505 --> 00:15:27,136 We still haven't found a place for the party. 392 00:15:27,136 --> 00:15:28,606 We'll find place. 393 00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:31,942 For now, we focus on entertainment. 394 00:15:31,976 --> 00:15:34,478 COLIN: You think this is the place for the entertainment? 395 00:15:34,511 --> 00:15:36,981 - Yeah. - I... O-Okay. 396 00:15:37,013 --> 00:15:38,148 ? I like your body, girl ? 397 00:15:38,181 --> 00:15:40,183 ? Seen you up in this party, girl ? 398 00:15:40,217 --> 00:15:41,319 ? The way you move is hypnotic... ? 399 00:15:41,352 --> 00:15:42,786 - Hi! - Mm! 400 00:15:43,226 --> 00:15:45,696 It's so fun when my friends come by. 401 00:15:45,729 --> 00:15:48,104 My family almost never comes to visit me at work. 402 00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:49,485 I'm sorry, did you say "almost never"? 403 00:15:49,518 --> 00:15:51,488 And don't worry, you came to the right place. 404 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,955 We have so many talented ladies 405 00:15:52,989 --> 00:15:54,591 who want to help with this party. 406 00:15:54,624 --> 00:15:55,836 Girls? 407 00:15:55,865 --> 00:15:57,942 - MAN: Next to the stage... - This is Staci. 408 00:15:57,984 --> 00:16:00,353 She makes awesome balloon animals out of condoms. 409 00:16:00,599 --> 00:16:01,837 COLIN: Yeah. Oh. Ah. 410 00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:03,673 - [ARTEM LAUGHS] - [QUIETLY]: That's disgusting. 411 00:16:04,950 --> 00:16:06,106 This is Juli. 412 00:16:06,106 --> 00:16:07,904 She has an amazing singing voice. 413 00:16:07,942 --> 00:16:09,858 She actually came here to be in one of the shows, 414 00:16:09,858 --> 00:16:12,041 but, well, life is hard, so she's here now. 415 00:16:12,066 --> 00:16:13,029 Okay. 416 00:16:13,998 --> 00:16:16,841 And this is Micki. She's, like, an animal trainer. 417 00:16:16,889 --> 00:16:19,471 Her dog can do the craziest tricks. Watch. 418 00:16:19,975 --> 00:16:20,940 Shake. 419 00:16:20,974 --> 00:16:23,052 - What's up? - Pleasure. 420 00:16:24,325 --> 00:16:26,528 We will take the balloon animals and the singer. 421 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,556 Thank you, Mr. Dog, I think we're gonna go another way. 422 00:16:29,143 --> 00:16:31,057 You see? One problem solved. 423 00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:33,225 Now we just have to find birthday house. 424 00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:35,447 Wait, you still don't have a place for the party? 425 00:16:35,502 --> 00:16:38,397 No. So the possibility of ruining my son's childhood 426 00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,066 - is still very much in play. - Yeah. 427 00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:41,734 DOG: Hey, man, don't sweat it. 428 00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,556 My dad ruined all my birthdays growing up, 429 00:16:43,701 --> 00:16:45,133 and I turned out just fine. 430 00:16:45,766 --> 00:16:46,905 Oh, dear God. 431 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,931 If you guys are still looking for a venue, 432 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:50,561 I might know a place. 433 00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:53,179 - [LIVELY DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] - _ 434 00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:59,117 [KIDS CHATTERING EXCITEDLY] 435 00:17:01,517 --> 00:17:04,282 I still can't believe how well this all came together. 436 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:07,208 And they were okay with shutting down the strip club for this? 437 00:17:07,208 --> 00:17:08,978 Oh, yeah, no, Sundays are slow anyway. 438 00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:10,678 You know, actually, it's really nice 439 00:17:10,711 --> 00:17:12,557 to have customers on our laps for a change. 440 00:17:12,557 --> 00:17:15,093 My giraffe is slippery. 441 00:17:15,125 --> 00:17:17,028 - Oh. [CHUCKLES] - Oh, oh, uh, uh... 442 00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:19,754 Thank you both so much for all of this. 443 00:17:20,199 --> 00:17:21,528 I suppose I'm not used to people 444 00:17:21,529 --> 00:17:23,299 going out of their way like this for me. 445 00:17:23,299 --> 00:17:25,234 Well, of course. We're friends. 446 00:17:25,266 --> 00:17:29,104 Yeah. After all our flights together, we like to think, uh, 447 00:17:29,472 --> 00:17:30,777 that you're one of us now. 448 00:17:30,777 --> 00:17:33,142 That's really nice. I think. 449 00:17:33,645 --> 00:17:36,824 Daddy, we're going to the sparkly cider room! 450 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,622 Oh. 451 00:17:39,729 --> 00:17:41,033 STEVE: Hello, passengers. 452 00:17:41,058 --> 00:17:42,738 - This is Captain Steve. - _ 453 00:17:42,777 --> 00:17:45,309 As we're approaching Vegas, a little reminder. 454 00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,394 If it's magic you're looking for, 455 00:17:47,394 --> 00:17:50,075 head over to Caesars for Pascal the Magnificent. 456 00:17:50,075 --> 00:17:53,278 I've seen him myself, and let me tell you, 457 00:17:53,312 --> 00:17:55,961 the only thing that man can't make disappear 458 00:17:56,084 --> 00:17:58,151 is the smile on your face. 459 00:17:58,988 --> 00:18:00,266 Boned his wife. 460 00:18:00,835 --> 00:18:02,279 I'm gonna get a cup of joe. You want anything? 461 00:18:02,279 --> 00:18:04,108 - I'll have one, too. - Get it yourself. 462 00:18:06,397 --> 00:18:08,834 Oh. Captain Dave. Something I can help you with? 463 00:18:08,868 --> 00:18:10,637 Yeah, I wanted to ask you to take it easier 464 00:18:10,669 --> 00:18:12,639 - on Ronnie and Bernard. - Ronnie and Bernard? 465 00:18:12,671 --> 00:18:15,332 You mean those flat-ass soda machines with bad attitudes? 466 00:18:15,456 --> 00:18:16,914 I don't know why you're even defending them. 467 00:18:16,914 --> 00:18:18,782 They're just a couple of losers who should be grateful 468 00:18:18,816 --> 00:18:20,584 to have a job at all... in fact, frankly, 469 00:18:20,618 --> 00:18:22,325 if it was up to me, they wouldn't. 470 00:18:29,465 --> 00:18:30,820 - You know what? - What? 471 00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:32,589 Those are my friends you're talking about. 472 00:18:32,938 --> 00:18:34,557 And I don't care what it costs me, 473 00:18:34,589 --> 00:18:36,500 you will never take over this flight. 474 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,366 What? You... Take over this flight? 475 00:18:39,391 --> 00:18:40,359 Why the hell would...? 476 00:18:40,594 --> 00:18:42,264 [CHUCKLES]: Oh. This is pathetic. 477 00:18:42,297 --> 00:18:44,584 Did you think that I wanted to trade routes with you? 478 00:18:44,609 --> 00:18:47,077 Well, it crossed my... No. I mean, a little. 479 00:18:47,156 --> 00:18:50,293 I was never serious about taking over this godforsaken flight. 480 00:18:50,326 --> 00:18:53,095 I mean, come on, Dave, look at me... I fly international. 481 00:18:53,129 --> 00:18:55,439 Okay, stop calling it international, Steve. 482 00:18:55,572 --> 00:18:57,211 And let's call it what it is. 483 00:18:57,430 --> 00:18:58,391 It's Canada. 484 00:18:58,416 --> 00:18:59,938 Well, it counts. They have their own money. 485 00:18:59,963 --> 00:19:01,398 That doesn't even fit in wallets. 486 00:19:01,430 --> 00:19:03,399 It fits in wallets. You just have to fold the bill! 487 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,402 - What's your problem, man?! - My problem right now 488 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:06,982 is I'm talking to an overrated hack 489 00:19:07,007 --> 00:19:08,942 whose stickwork is pedestrian. 490 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:10,506 - What did you say? - I said, 491 00:19:10,506 --> 00:19:13,136 I've seen groundos with better air feel than you. 492 00:19:13,176 --> 00:19:14,714 You take that back, you son of a bitch. 493 00:19:14,739 --> 00:19:16,050 Why don't you make me? 494 00:19:16,504 --> 00:19:18,339 - Ow! Aah! - [PASSENGERS GASPING] 495 00:19:18,764 --> 00:19:20,533 What is your face made of?! 496 00:19:20,565 --> 00:19:22,138 You punched him! 497 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:25,203 Oh, my God. This is amazing. 498 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:26,394 [DAVE GROANS] 499 00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,763 How is this amazing? He hit me in the face. 500 00:19:28,795 --> 00:19:31,532 That's good, too, but, I mean, he's screwed now. 501 00:19:31,566 --> 00:19:32,934 It's nothing; it's just a little scrape 502 00:19:32,966 --> 00:19:34,931 - between a couple of pilots. - But he's not a pilot. 503 00:19:34,931 --> 00:19:38,434 You made him sit in the cabin. You just assaulted a passenger. 504 00:19:39,173 --> 00:19:40,404 Boom, bitch. 505 00:19:42,376 --> 00:19:43,573 RONNIE: [GASPS] Ooh. 506 00:19:50,884 --> 00:19:52,986 That was... that was weird when you did that. 507 00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:55,023 - It was weird. - No. Ronald! 508 00:19:55,931 --> 00:19:58,800 Look. Colin gave us socialist gift bags. 509 00:19:59,022 --> 00:20:01,454 Wow. Looks like you had a fun weekend. 510 00:20:01,569 --> 00:20:02,926 COLIN: Oh, you mean the T-shirt? 511 00:20:02,958 --> 00:20:05,527 Yeah, well, they're party favors from my son's birthday. 512 00:20:05,561 --> 00:20:08,865 He said it was the best party he'd ever had. 513 00:20:08,898 --> 00:20:11,967 He's also insisted I buy him the Kidz Bop version 514 00:20:12,001 --> 00:20:13,503 of "Turn Down for What." 515 00:20:13,793 --> 00:20:15,639 I'll see you all in hell! 516 00:20:16,661 --> 00:20:19,315 Seems like you had a pretty interesting weekend yourself. 517 00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:22,675 Nah. Pretty much the yuje. 518 00:20:27,575 --> 00:20:30,679 Hey. Um... I wanted to thank you 519 00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:32,702 for sticking up for us back there, 520 00:20:32,772 --> 00:20:35,542 even if it meant losing out on the international job. 521 00:20:35,946 --> 00:20:38,517 Eh, it was nothing. We're a team, right? 522 00:20:38,675 --> 00:20:40,162 Damn right we are. 523 00:20:40,278 --> 00:20:42,334 Which reminds me, I have something for you. 524 00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:44,513 It's my phone number. 525 00:20:44,749 --> 00:20:46,351 Just in case you ever need someone 526 00:20:46,384 --> 00:20:48,420 - to help you move an armoire. - Thanks. 527 00:20:48,452 --> 00:20:50,537 I actually took your number off the crew list a while ago. 528 00:20:50,561 --> 00:20:51,556 Creepy. 529 00:20:51,557 --> 00:20:54,104 As a symbolic gesture, though, this is very nice. 530 00:20:54,104 --> 00:20:55,739 And the good news is, since Captain Steve has 531 00:20:55,771 --> 00:20:58,041 a broken hand, looks like I'll be the one flying back to L.A. 532 00:20:58,075 --> 00:21:00,477 No, no, not so fast, cowboy. You still have a broken wrist. 533 00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,318 Bernard called in another replacement. 534 00:21:02,318 --> 00:21:05,014 Well, whoever it is, they can't be any worse than Captain Steve. 535 00:21:06,521 --> 00:21:09,458 ["ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE" BY SCORPIONS PLAYING] 536 00:21:14,207 --> 00:21:15,776 ? Here I am... ? 537 00:21:15,810 --> 00:21:17,364 - Captain Carl. - Hi. 538 00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:20,562 - How are you? - [RONNIE SHUDDERS] 539 00:21:20,587 --> 00:21:23,456 - Oh, damn it. - ? Here I am. ? 540 00:21:23,506 --> 00:21:28,056 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0